Dear Priscilla:

It appears to me that you are depressed at times and she is predominantly afraid: afraid of becoming known to others as one of a same sex couple. So not socializing, for her, is about safety: being safe of others’ disapproval.

Did you have talks with her about this fear of hers (as I see it)? Do you know of her history regarding fear of disapproval? It may be not only in the area of same sex.

If the two of you have discussions about her fear, if you approach it gently (because fear is powerful and often enough, overwhelming), and she feels understood, she may be willing and able, slowly, gradually, one little step at a time, to become known…

anita