Dear blooms93:

Good question: is it your past or your present that makes you want out of your marriage?

Could be both, so, let’s examine the possibilities:

There is no doubt in my mind that your past (like anyone’s significant past experiences) is affecting your present patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. On the other hand, your husband has his past too and I don’t know if and how dysfunctional the relationship with him. If you are willing, this will take more than one exchange between us. So examining here, first the possibility that it is both:

You wrote: “every time my husband does something human (ie we have a row and say things we don’t really mean in anger etc) I always ponder..” – what kinds of things does he say in anger to you? And what kinds of things do you say in anger to him?

anita