Dear xoxoxo:

When your ex boyfriend told you that you: ” did everything wrong. Everything is my fault. LIke I dont understand him and that I will leave him like everybody else. I am like everybody else, he is alone.”-

Someone in his life, likely a parent, or both parents, did that to him: hurt him deeply, left him, physically or otherwise, left him alone.

He shut himself from the experience of his childhood best he could, but the price he is paying (and has made you pay) is that he thinks other people are his parents. He looks at you and thinks you are his rejecting parent.

He will keep seeing you as that until and if he heals, maybe possible only in the context of competent psychotherapy.

If you were back with him, he will continue to punish you for what other people did to him. When you are jealous about him being with other women, unfortunately for any and every one of those other women, sooner or later, he will punish her too. You are worried that he will be successful without you and you will fail. If you mean material success- he may be successful that way, but his wife will keep suffering for what other people did to him. She will be punished in whatever fancy house she will be living in.

You asked how to not contact him and how to convince yourself that you can take care of yourself: perhaps it will help if you see reality for what it is- that you are way more likely to be okay if you live… unpunished than you are living with ongoing punishment by your husband, a life of good moments punctuated by punishment, again and again.

Your thoughts and feelings…?

anita