Dear jade:

You asked: “Am I being too selfish to expect better from a parent”

My answer: no, you are not.

You asked: “Are my expectations too high and I should lower them?”

My answer: Your expectations from your father should fit who he is, at this point. Expect him to continue to help strangers while showing blatant disregard to his family members (to you, in your examples).

You asked: “would it be okay to ask to tell me everything would be okay?”

My answer: you will be okay when you leave your father’s home, live independently of him, keeping minimal to no contact with him. You will be okay if you completely abandon any hope that your father will change, that there is something you can do to make him loving. You will be okay when you develop healthy, loving relationships with other people, especially a future partner in life.

You will be okay when you heal from the damage your father caused you; when you figure you can’t rescue the rest of your family members, that you can be helpful in some ways, if they reach out to you or are open to your suggestions. But can’t rescue them. You can, on the other hand, rescue yourself.

anita