Dear Anita,
I had to cry after reading what you wrote. You are absolutely right, and there is a lot for me to take out of your words.

Especially the thought of not interfering with my exes therapy helped me to calm down and focus on something else than what this is right now.
I wouldn’t call 4 years of therapy prematurely, she is a good therapist, and I could go back to her any time, but I had the feeling our work was coming to an end and I learned all from her that I could.

Since my boyfriend died when I was seventeen I have made it a point to be very honest about what and who I am with people, so I am positive I won’t run into conflict there…

It’s very wise to see these interactions as an exercise in getting to know people and yes, learning to relate to them in a healthy way. I guess I just panicked and overthought things.
And you are absolutely right, I do have the lack of adequate loving in common with my ex, and I am not finished with working on these issues…

Thank you for your detailed and practical and emphatic advise, I appreciate it a lot!! 🙂