Thanks for the reply monklet80. J and R are very competitive with each other and other people so I’m thinking this was a result of their competitive nature. I never thought about it until recently.

I am seeing a therapist for my PTSD and anxiety and she has also trying to help me understand my need to apologize and show me this is not anything I’ve done wrong and to be kinder to myself. I know I hurt R’s feelings which is probably why I feel the need to say sorry. I have a great deal of empathy for both of them. I think those have to discredit others, may have something deep seeded and disapproving in themselves.

I have told J how I feel but J tells me R was embellishing and continues to deny violating my trust to that extent. I feel J’s probably not ready to recognize their role in it and I understand. I dont want to have to maintain my friendships avoiding the elephants in the room.

I do have other friends whom I’ve never had these sorts of issues with so I’ve been spending more time with them.

Thank you again @monklet80, I really appreciate hearing your take on it.