Hey Gina,

Possibility 1) He was lying and he knew it, he just couldn’t bear to say “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you,” so he said, “I don’t want to be in a relationship.”

Possibility 2) He meant what he said when he said it to you, but since then, he’s become closer with this other friend and now, isn’t love strange, he’s changed his mind.

Possibility 3) You’ve misunderstood what’s going on with this other lady and she’s actually his cousin or something. But this is not a sitcom, so… low odds on that one.

How to find out which it is: Don’t try. It makes no difference.

What you do now: Remember you broke things off for a reason. He wasn’t really there for you. That means he wasn’t really right for you. That means you’re better off without him, regardless of what he’s up to with whatever other women now. If it hurts to be his friend, don’t be his friend. If it feels better to stay in touch, do that. Other than that: rage, cry, write letters not to send, take up running. It sucks to be dumped and I’m sorry you’re suffering. Don’t get stuck in the why and who and what-about, and don’t let it make you bitter.

One more thing to think about: I’ve heard it said that when people say “It’s not you it’s me,” it’s always also you. And when they say “I just can’t be in a relationship right now,” they always mean “… with you.”

Be well.