Dear bamitscassidi:

You asked: to fully experience and enjoy the relationship as is or exit it?

My answer: you cannot fully enjoy the relationship at all times, but you can be more and more present in it. Part of you being present in it is recognizing (whenever it occurs to you) that you are afraid of getting hurt when he leaves to France. I don’t think you have the option of not thinking about the future of the relationship- to make part of your brain go blank.

When you are aware of your fear, pay attention to it, calm down, take a deep breath, maybe ask him for a hug if he is with you. Or call him, or someone else who is comforting.

You have the option of ending the relationship but if it is not an abusive relationship, and it isn’t from your share, and because no relationship is guaranteed and because (correct me if I am wrong)- it is possible that the two of you will meet again, after his departure and continue the relationship, then if I was you, I’d continue it but without trying to … forget what is impossible to forget: that he will be going back to France.

The hurt you experienced before, that you mentioned, is the hurt you are experiencing. Your current boyfriend didn’t leave yet, what you are afraid will happen already happened, so what you are afraid of really is to feel the pain you… already feel.

It is possible for you to work on the old hurt through this relationship. Communicate to him your feelings, your fear (in moderation, of course)- share with him, listen to his sharing with you, be his friend and let him be your friend.

anita