Dear Sann:

As far as scones vs biscuits I had a similar experience in that someone who is great in the kitchen baked a certain something that was supposed to be textbook X but was a non textbook (yet to be identified and named) Y. As X it wasn’t good but as the unintended Y, I liked it. So I told him: I like these and I did and I ate them. I wasn’t attached to the intended X. Same thing with the overcooked jam issue (I just noticed that the blackberries I picked weeks ago for the purpose of jam making are spoiled!)- also, I am not attached to how jam is supposed to be- I like sticky jam just as I like sticky rice. If the jam is sticky then I will spread it finer on a toast.

And I am very flexible: if the intended scones came out as dry biscuits, I will try dipping them in hot cocoa (yes!) and if the soak the cocoa in milk nicely, they could be a delight.

Honesty vs being overly positive: I vote for honesty while being respectful.

The man you live with seems to be interested in your well being. Maybe he sees you as too fragile to handle the truth and is too eager to build your confidence in yourself. Reads to me that he means well but is not aware that he is going the wrong way about it. Why don’t you tell him that trust is a very important value for you, and you need his honesty regarding your scones, jam and everything else, respectful honesty. Maybe he will be glad to receive your feedback about his overly positive ways and will be glad to correct himself so to be helpful to you. After all, if his intention is to build your confidence, to help in improving your well being, then he will be happy to learn how to do it and to stop doing what doesn’t help you!

For you to trust him when he tells you something positive about you and what you accomplish, you do need to know that he does not lie to you. Did I say “lie”- yes, I did.

anita