Dear green:

You wrote: “She says she is selfish and wants to have her cake and eat it too by having our relationship and her relationship with her friend.” Well, she said it. And Buddhist thinking has nothing to do with it.

If she swims with the guy naked, that is they are both naked, in a pool together and kissing- no matter in what philosophical context I visualize it, it is still two naked people kissing. In other words, the bare reality is what it is.

She said she wants the cake (you) and eat it too (the other man). And you are not a cake, you are a feeling human being and her behavior hurts you. It is not… unevolved, sub-Buddhist interpretation of the situation that is hurting you, it is her behavior.

You wrote: “I know I can’t control or make demands on her – she chooses to be in a relationship with me or chooses to leave.” You can’t choose for her, but you can choose for you: you can choose to be in a relationship with her or not; you can choose to co operate with her as co parents and leave the relationship otherwise.

anita