Hey Ablanura,

All i can say is that i understand its annoying to get ditched at the last minute. I understand she’s had a terrible loss but there are other people in her life who can support her too in their own way. Her equation with this guy is not that of a “just friends” one – she priorities him as a result. In your case, all i can say is Instead of commuting 4 hours a day for her, try calling her instead on a regular basis. Support her but don’t bend backwards like last time to do so.

If she wants to meet, ask her to come over instead as its not possible for you to commute so much currently – you did show up to London before for her and spent a night in a hotel instead. Its time she did her bit too. However, as she is grieving right now, better not to bring up the irritation with her behavior. Let the dust settle by itself.

This is a small example I will give you: A friend of mine made plans twice and cancelled. The first time she cancelled the moment i was ready and about to leave the house. The second time she just forgot and messaged much later to cancel. Both times were pretty annoying but I decided to drop it, say that its okay – the rule though was i prefer not to initiate until the next time she does. Then a week later, she herself shows up at my place and we hang out. I drop the whole “aww man, you’re pretty busy these days, right? you had to cancel the last two times” while laughing with her over some jokes and the message is received…albeit indirectly and gently. This approach works best with people we are relatively close to but not super close either.

The others will surely have more sensible advice/ideas to offer but this is my version of the situation.

Let this anger go – you did your bit, she is anyway not in her best state now.

Regards,
Nina