Dear hannahlea:

I read your short post followed by your The S Curve writing.

One thing that stood up for me is the issue of Expectations. Your expectations of your wedding celebration itself and the marriage that followed was based on movies and fairytale stories we were all exposed to since childhood: “And they lived happily ever after,” suggesting that indeed life is linear.

I wonder what kind of a marriage your parents had and whether that marriage that you experienced-by-proxy is part of your current experience.

Your resolution to no longer hide, cover, lie- I support that. There is a quote I like: “We are as sick as our secrets” – I think this is the wording. So yes, if I was you, I would be very honest with the husband. Express to him how I feel, the ambiguities, confusion, the whole thing.

“How to know my marriage should end?” – I think it already ended in that you have been separated for two years and you live in a different state. There is along distance relationship and a legal marriage, not a practiced marriage.

It just occurred to me that in order for you to answer your question (the title of your thread), it would make sense to define marriage first.

Would you like to attempt a definition?

anita