Dear Crazyangle03:

When you wrote in your original post about your girlfriend: ” she is somewhat passive, selfless, apathetic type of person”- that is not a promising evaluation of your girlfriend’s mental health: when a person is passive and selfless, watch out- I say! Because it is not natural to be passive and selfless. In nature, if an animal is passive and selfless then it is also, soon enough- dead.

When a person is passive and selfless, it is your Self that ends up paying the price.

If indeed, your behavior as far as connecting with others online is reasonable and appropriate in the context of you having a girlfriend, if you don’t flirt with other women, then she is in the process of limiting your life- that is the price exacted by a selfless person: the selfless person wants your self to be what they want it to be, think and feel and act like she wants you to. No place for you to have a … self of your own. It has to be approved by her, a subject of ongoing testing and correcting.

It is possible that her spying on you is her sort-of-addiction, at this point. She is anxious and she responds by spying on you. If she finds nothing, she relaxes for a little while. But it is only a matter of time before she gets anxious again and driven to relieve that anxiousness by spying again. In this case, she may promise not to spy on you again, and mean it, and yet driven to do it anyway, so to relieve her distress.

Being passive and selfless produces anxiety and distress. The distress can be relieved long term only by being assertive and taking care of her self interest (In a Win-Win relationship).

anita