Dear sbsudhan:

You are a young gay man who is looking for a long term relationship with a man- that is your goal. Got to somehow let this goal be known to other gay men and choose from those with the same goal. Gay men who are interested in a long term relationship is your target group of people for your aim.

You currently associate with straight men who have girlfriends- that is not your target group of people for your aim.

Once you advertise your aim to the correct group of people, then go on dates with different men- coffee shop types of dates, no physical intimacy to begin with, so that you can learn who the person is before getting intimate. This way you can be objective as you evaluate the person.

Your mind wanders a lot because you are afraid: afraid to never be in a relationship and afraid that if you will be in one, that it will not last. The way to deal with these fears, I believe, is to Aim at your target group and then slowly, gradually get to know (and be known) by this man and that man, over a period of time. In that time you can share your feelings with the man, including your fears and it will be the man who will empathize with you, share his own fears, try to comfort you- that may be your first long term/ lifetime boyfriend.

anita