Dear latika:

You are in a tough situation and what you do now is very important for your future and your boyfriend’s future. As well as to the next generation.

It is not right and not just that his mother will dictate who her son will marry. It is not right or just for her to create so much pain so that she will feel good. How can she feel good when she is hurting her own son?

She can feel good because what she cares about is: “what will people say”- other people, not her son, is her focus. She cares about … the neighbors, extended family relatives, not her own son.

Can your boyfriend possibly understand this? Because if he can understand this, then he will know he doesn’t need to obey a woman who cares about strangers way more than she cares about him. Maybe, if he truly understands this, he will have the courage to say NO.

It is scary to go against social customs, expectations… but again, what are the consequences for him if he says no? People (mostly strangers) will disapprove?

How about him breaking the engagement and then, you and him moving out of your locations to where you are not known? This way the two of you will escape the … disapproval of strangers.

Regarding your question: “Should I tell my boyfriend’s fiancee and her family about us. Will this help?”

I don’t think so because if your boyfriend does not have the courage to stand by you and not by his selfish mother, then if you tell the fiancée and her family about the two of you, they may call you a liar and the worst of all: your boyfriend may not correct them and out of fear, side with them. And then you will be considered .. the crazy one.

It is about you and your boyfriend: do the two of you together have the courage and strength, Together, to say that NO, stand by it, move away if needed and start elsewhere?

anita