Dear dreaming715:

I read your post with previous threads- through time- in mind. I figure the following at this point: I think you may be too alert to the possibility of rejection, looking for it here and there, on the watch. Using the title of your thread: if there is a cool breeze in the relationship, like his need for guy time after spending a lot of time with you, you would think of the cool breeze as “cold” while in reality it is just cool.

I was taught hat a long time ago by my then therapist: a person is not and cannot be close to another ALL the time. My therapist said people are like planets, in constant motion toward and away from other planets.

So he spent a lot of time with you and then wanted guy time, without you. So you reason: well, I wouldn’t need time alone if I was him, so it must mean that he is less interested in me than I am in him. I don’t think this is good reasoning because you may not want distance from him because of a separation anxiety issue. He may not have a separation anxiety issue and simply need time alone.

Really, loving men who love their women need time alone, guy time.

And you too, if you were secure in the relationship, not anxious, you too, very likely would need time alone. It is only natural.

Anther thing: he may feel your anxiety: your ongoing fear of him rejecting you, going cold and colder and that may distress him. It is very important that you share with him your fear, taking responsibility for it. If he is a good man, he will feel empathy for you: he will feel closer to you if you share with him your vulnerabilities.

So share with him. Let him know. It is important for your goal of having a close relationship. If you don’t share with him, he may misunderstand you- which will cause distance (the thing you don’t want).

Make yourself known to him. Share with him. I am excited at the thought of how much closeness your sharing is likely to invite into the relationship!

anita