Dear janice51:

I can relate very much to how much you care and how very, very difficult it is to separate your feelings from his. My empathy is with you (as well as with your son).

And so that ship has sailed and your son already rejected further input from you on this topic. Best thing you can do at this point is to respect his assertion. He asserted himself with you on the subject, so best you can do as his mother is encourage his assertiveness by respecting it yourself.

To encourage his assertiveness, all you can do at this point, is respect him very time he asserts himself with you. If you ignore his assertions with you, my goodness, you will be doing what his ex girlfriend and his ex best friend did to him!

So calm down best you can. Stay out of the subject he asked you to stay out of- as difficult as it is for you.

Once you stay out of it long enough, your son will feel safer with you and so, when the next topic/ challenge occurs, then you can practice the separation more successfully, and hopefully, he will be open to your input then.

anita