Dear slider:

I know of a retired army colonel (a neighbor) who survived an almost deadly attack by a buffalo like animal in Vietnam, who has been giving orders to men for many years, who is quiet and submissive to his wife going on fifty years. No matter how manly, strong, what military accomplishments a man has, when it comes to the woman in a man’s life, my goodness, men are sensitive. So to your question (title of your thread); no, you are not too sensitive.

Criticism, especially what you describe as “very explosive and critical” is well.. very scary. I had a mother like that, very explosive and critical and I am still healing from it. The damage to me has been severe. Grown ups are most often still very sensitive to criticism. This is why so many people are people-pleasers, doing anything it takes to not be criticized.

Clearly, your wife will achieve nothing good in the relationship her way. It simply doesn’t work. If I was you, I wouldn’t try to … be less sensitive, to desensitize myself. I don’t think it is possible. She needs to stop the abuse or you must separate from the source of abuse.

No wonder the intimacy stopped- how can you possibly desire closeness with danger.

I don’t know her complaints. I am sure she feels very justified and yes, I am sure you are imperfect. Problem is that she is busy pointing the finger of blame at you while her finger should be pointed at herself.

Here is the ultimatum I suggest you give her, a co-ultimatum, maybe: unless she controls the expressions of her anger, unless she stops the abuse, you cannot and therefore will not attend to any effort to fix the relationship with her and separation is next.

Really, there is no other way to progress.

anita