Dear Anita,

Well yeah, it is true that they have never been 100% supportive toward everything I do and I straight up tell them that they were never the type of parents to have us try to reach the highest goals we want. Instead they try to knock us down to reality. I can see they being bad or good. For example my brother who is 25 is working to try to be in the olympics for martial arts, he is aiming and taking steps to the highest point he can go, even if it isn’t reasonable. My parents support him going to tournaments, but she constantly says “He will never make it as an olympian, he shouldn’t even try.” type thing. It might be true, but as a mother I think she shouldn’t be saying that, I think she should be saying to him “I believe you will be an Olympian” regardless if she thinks its true. She isn’t always negative, she wants him to open a martial arts studio and offered to pay to start it up.

As for her comparing me to the lowest point someone could be, although it is true it is partly because a couple of people in my high school have died from overdose or have gone to jail and my parents are hearing this and are just happy that they don’t have a problem regarding that. I think they are proud that all her kids have their act together, especially in comparison to many kids my age. However I understand that they shouldn’t be comparing us to them, and treating us like we could have been better, or their perfect ideal child.

Regarding my father, yeah I am not going to lie that he has not been the best father. That type of instance happened once, maybe twice, but he never has hinted at that and I am confident to say he has no image of that toward me at all now. It was very damaging to me at the time because unlike most people at that age (14 years old), I was immature with regards to guys, I had the most innocent mind and no desire to date, but mostly because I hadn’t met anyone I liked. I imagine that could have made me repress feelings for guys. I remember that when I was in high school, I talked to people online who had my similar beliefs and interests, for months everyday. I had 3 instances where it was a guy that eventually hinted at romantic interest, and it was always a complicated situation where they lived in a different country and wanted to meet me. I would stop talking to them partly because at the time it was a big thing to avoid stranger danger with people online and also because I didn’t know how to react to romantic interest toward me. It still feels like the case that I have not met the right person for me, there were maybe two instances that I was convinced that I did but now I think it is the lack of the best person for me. And it is not that my parents did not support me dating people, my mom would always say “So-so is a nice guy, you should date him” (dad is always neutral on everything but would agree). And with that it comes back to the is it just because I cannot connect well to people that I will never be able to start a relationship with the best person for me, or if I am being too picky and if I am capable to learn better connections with others that I can compromise?

So no, my parents have never been consistent with support, but is that the connection to why I have difficulty with my relationships with others? Is it because of my relationship with my parents that I believe I cannot fully have a constant connection with people and that I believe they will not stick with me when they have the hard times in life? Is there a solution?