Dear blkhwkdwn1:

When you wrote following my last post to you that you are not going down that road, were you referring to my suggestion that you explore why you believe you deserve suffering, in therapy?

If that is what you meant and then asked about starting “some type of spiritual journey instead”- instead of what I suggested above, then you may want to consider guided meditations (you can download such), moving meditation/ Mindfulness practices (there are articles about Mindfulnes on the home page of this site); you can join a religious meeting place of some kind, there are temples and churches and such- Uniterian churches accept and attends to people of all faiths as well as atheists. There are New Age churches that may appeal to you. Be cautious and evaluate such before jumping in though.

anita