That is amazing that you are confiding in friends. Brenè Brown (you tube her she is awesome)she says be careful who you talk to, only because do they deserve to be confided in, can they cope with it, will they beable to take themselves and their personal feelings and judgements out of it and beable to empathise? It helps so much to write stuff down and talk it thru but I have confided in people then wished I hadn’t, I was in a very heightened emotional place and now on if I need to get it out, I write in my journal first and outpour because sometimes you don’t need the response just the validation to be heard and my journal always hears me. I too have looked into renting as i would not want to stay in my house, he like yours has jokingly and then many times when he is angry said I have brought nothing financial and he is right but I have contributed to the house and the family in every other way I could but when I do walk away from the relationship, I will not have any money which is why I have tried so hard to start this small business which in the back of my mind has been since the start my ‘get out of my marriage’ job. If I had the money I wud leave now, long story but slowly over the years he’s either put down my career choices, belittled my jobs as selfish and if no benefit to the family and that I’m getting obsessed by this ‘new thing’, binging is the hurtful thing that comes up time and time again, binging on new people, new interests, I’m just trying to find positivity from outside of the family and try and find ways to ‘hold on to who I am’.
This is the first time I have EVER written any of this on a forum and you have to remind yourself every small advancement forward is huge and keep reminding yourself you matter, you are important and you value yourself. Your boys are so so blessed to have you. Keep going X