Anita:

I’m not totally sure what caused me to become so unsure of my abilities. My parents and I really care about each other but we definitely had problems in the past. I didn’t didn’t have a lot of close friends while in school and this depressed me, which turned me to food for comfort. The more weight I gained the more my mom would worry. She would often yell, monitor what I ate, or just generally remind me that life is harder while overweight. I ate in hiding most of the time. This is the biggest issue between us, but our relationship is much better now. I created some stronger friendships while in college and at work (not many but enough, I’m a quality over quantity type of person). I found the will to lose weight and get my life together without my mom nagging, and now that I’ve lost weight there’s no tension about food. We get along really well. I honestly feel extremely guilty about making my parents worry so much about me. They were essentially watching me destroy my health for years and couldn’t do anything about it. My mom admits that she was too harsh and went about it the wrong way, and has since apologized, saying she didn’t know how else to express her worry besides with anger. I feel no resentment about it but I do believe it may have had some effect on me. I felt so out of control, depending on food for happiness and feeling guilt for disappointing my parents, that it lead me to hit my dog back then. I still haven’t come to terms with that. I’m interested in talking to a psychotherapist but I’m worried it wont help too much. I had a negative experience with a therapist once a few years ago. She didn’t appear to have any interest in what I was saying, making it extremely hard to open up.

Tannhauser:

I’m so sorry you are going through something like this. I’ve felt suicidal in the past, many times, but I think after all that the one thing I’ve taken away from it is that everyone is constantly evolving. You may feel totally different in just a few months. In just a year or two I’ve become an entirely different person, and I’m struggling to figure out who that is, but it just goes to show things can change. I’m definitely having a very hard time right now and the world feels alien and overwhelming, but I’ve just now realized how fast life can change. Maybe you’re experiencing something a bit like me. I also feel like I’m at a crossroads of some sort. Stay strong.