Tannhauser,

If you don’t mind me asking, what has changed in your life recently? Or if you would rather not discuss it, have YOU changed or did your situation change?

You are grieving for your life as it used to be and I feel that way as well (in a different way, I feel more disconnected from my past than anything). I suffered from severe depression during my mid-teens to early 20s and I often found a strange, sad comfort in the idea that I could one day take my own life if things got bad enough. It was liberating, thinking I had a way out. It gave me the motivation to start over and abandon my old habits, lose weight, and go back to school. Thinking about death like that was probably unhealthy but I’m always learning. This probably wouldn’t work for everyone, but maybe you can find the strength to turn that feeling of loss and grief into the freedom to start over or do something you never had the courage to do before.

Is the experience you’re going through something you feel is internal? Or spiritual and external? I’d like to give more input because I’ve been through years of pain as well. I’m not out of the woods myself, but I can always offer advice.