Dear Sarah Louise:

Reads to me that you are experiencing attachment-related anxiety. What I mean by it is that the moment you felt attached to this man (hoping, wishing for a union with him, a togetherness with him), your anxiety was automatically triggered.

The best place to examine and explore this association between attachment and severe anxiety is in psychotherapy with a competent, empathetic therapist.

Did you attend psychotherapy in the past and did you explore there your attachment history (starts with the child-you being attached to your parent/s and what happened there)?

anita