You have to decide if your boyfriends job is to protect you. And that isn’t always about respect. If you want to find your inner-hero and your own voice maybe you don’t need a protector. It’s a very hard lesson. I had to get over the fact that my “better half” is not supposed to spend his life defending me, and that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. He is not supposed to be codependent, keep me locked in my past issues, patronize me, or protect me when he doesn’t want to.

All the confidence you want doesn’t come without having to face the fact that we all have “no” confidence. We all want everyone to like us. We all want hero’s and protectors.

We aren’t 3 and crossing the street. Growing up requires emotionally healthy relationships where we don’t don’t always get to “call out” the jerk who refuses to give us the respect we deserve.

I was stuck on an island in the Everglades for five days with my “better half.” I asked him if he would save me if the bad guys, alligators, or mosquitoes ate me alive. He said he didn’t know if could save me. He didn’t know if he could die for me… but he would try to do what he could.

Your better half did what he could, or thought he could, for whatever reason he chose.

We all have to choose if we still want to be with them. We got off the island. We lived. I learned I have to defend my life, it is MY duty, My responsibility, MY LIFE.

He’s not a prince in shining armor, I’m not some chick on a horse in a deodorant commercial.

He doesn’t respect me all the time, but he does love me. When I get tired of standing up for myself, he drives and I eat ice cream in the backseat of the car. Humble and tired.

I am old. I wish I would’ve loved him more before I got hurt and now all we do is argue about what I can’t do and I go to therapy to try to put my mental state back together like a jigsaw puzzle.

I am glad I “earned” his respect by not demanding his over the years. We wouldn’t still be together had I demanded that of both of us. You “both” pay a price for that kind of ritualized relationship. It’s not sustainable and there’s not enough love in the world to keep you together.

Relationships are based on forgiveness, truth, and caring.

You threw out a post about how horrible it is to feel betrayed when someone doesn’t stand up for you. Sometimes men are just too damn simple. Sometimes they just want to go watch football and eat pretzels. If his error was more than that — then you have to ask him if he’d die for you on an island in the Everglades.

And for all the folks I’m infuriating out there, I understand. It’s why i hardly ever reply to forum posts. And I promise to remain silent henceforth.