Dear jessv22:

It was a mistake to have this friendship behind your boyfriend’s back. You wrote: “I knew it would hurt him and that is why I hid it…. ” You knew it would hurt him so not having this friendship would have been the right thing to do.

Seven and a half years with your boyfriend is a long time though.

To get back with your boyfriend, I would recommend that you attend psychotherapy with a competent therapist. In therapy gain insight into why you kept this friendship even though you knew it will hurt your boyfriend; gain insight into your motivation.

Share with your (now ex) boyfriend that you are attending therapy for this reason. Maybe involve him in the therapy- have him attend a couple of sessions with you.

I don’t know the quality of the relationship you had with your boyfriend for so many years- it may be a good idea to look into it, in therapy.

Best of course, to not chase him, no matter how desperate you feel. Calm down best you can, it will serve you better. And do post anytime.

anita