Dear Jay Paige:

I read it. In the last part he wrote: ” I think these kinds of conversations are so essential and necessary both to our relationship but also to our development as people with strong communication abilities.”

And this is what I get from reading his email: he has trouble communicating. To develop as a person “with strong communication abilities”-he has a way to go.

He overly relies on dry intellect and does not integrate emotional understanding into his cognitive processing and therefore, the communication of his cognitive processing. He gets caught up on minutia details, like YOUR vs YOU’R- and takes that minutia for a ride, a long, long ride.

He wrote that he asked you about your education so to make sure you knew that YOU’R is the correct way to use in your texting. Really? Does it take higher education than second and third grade to know that “YOU’RE handsome” is correct and “YOUR handsome” is incorrect?

He wrote about privilege and race- he has thoughts and feelings about these words, but none that he expressed to you in this long email. He avoids expressing his true thoughts and feelings. If he did express his honest views, his feelings, it would have been a short email.

All this does not mean to me that he is a bad person, only that he is indirect, uncomfortable with his feelings, not trusting another to accept his feelings and views as they are. So he is cautious, dancing around topics, not committing to any topic.

It reads to me from his email and your posts here, that you are way, way better at communicating; that you are direct in your approach, much more in touch with your feelings and integrating those into your understanding and communicating.

He has a whole lot to learn from you, and I state this with respect to him. I wonder if you can help him.

Post anytime.

anita