Dear Vivien:

You wrote that you are very confused. I believe you are confused because you are still emotionally attached to him. When we are attached to a person we want to be with them no matter what, abuse or not. When we understand the nature of attachment, that it doesn’t mean we should be with a person we are attached to, then we are no longer confused.

People get attached not only to other people and pets but also to things, to possessions and to habits. His drug use is motivated by his attachment to the drugs and so he takes them again and again even though taking the drugs destroy him. In a similar way, you are attached to him. Should you be with him… even though he is destroying you?

Endure the attachment. Understand it is natural and normal to feel attached. A baby feels attached to her caretaker no matter if the care taker is loving or abusive… as long as she sometimes feeds the baby and sometimes changes the baby. In a similar way you got attached to him because sometimes he was nice to you.

anita