Hi Phantom2013

The simple fact that you have taken action by seeking help and advice so quickly instead of wallowing in despair shows that you have a great deal of inner strength and purpose, even if you can’t feel it right now. So there will be a way out, even if it takes time.

Many people spend their lives trying to live up to the expectations of others, and it causes a lot of unhappiness as a result. I still feel that pressure even now, and I have teenage children of my own. Ironically, I have no doubt that if I hadn’t spent so much time trying to live up to the expectations of others, I would have been vastly more successful in my adult life – it’s just that I’m finding that out rather later than I would have liked.

So I can see your position from your angle, and that of your parents. As a parent, I know that I would want my children to live up to their own expectations, not mine. There will be plenty of other parents who may feel differently, but ultimately they all have the same objective – for their children to be happy and successful at what they do. But I would also add to that by saying, don’t use that as an excuse for ignoring any advice your parents give you. They have been where you were no all that long ago, and know that life can be tough sometimes. Try to seek their advice rather than treating it as a fight, and you will gain a lot.

Of course, the world does change fast – Facebook being one example – so some of their advice may be out of date. But you are clearly a thoughtful and intelligent individual, able to take what is useful and adapt the rest.

The fact is that Facebook is just everyone trying to say how great their lives are. Why do they need to do that? Because they are empty inside, and desperately need approval. If you don’t believe that, just think about it. When I was growing up, the best that people could do was send a postcard from somewhere that they had gone on holiday, to “boast” about where they could go and what they were doing. Now, people can do it every day, they do it about the most petty things – look at my lovely dinner, look at me, look at me, look at me! The fact is, you could do the same if you chose to – the fact that you can care for 10 guinea pigs makes you pretty amazing – a lot more so than just having rich parents who can pay for a holiday somewhere. The thing is, the realistic people like you are more secure in yourselves and don’t feel the need to seek approval for the things you are good at, so don’t constantly post on Facebook.

You ask how to get out of this cycle of feeling depressed and not meeting everyone else’s expectations. Well, the first thing to do is to sort the sleep problem out, because that makes anyone feel bad. Something that works for me is listening to a talk radio station, or a podcast, something reasonably light and frivolous so you can listen to it but not have to think about it. Others prefer sleepmasks, earplugs, and stuff like that. Alternatively, speak to a doctor and get some help – it’s probably the most common complaint they deal with. Find something that works for you, but certainly try to avoid using screens in the 30 minutes before going to bed – that makes a huge difference.

Then, think about what you want to do, and discuss it, in an adult fashion, with the people around you. (If they can’t discuss it in an adult fashion, find someone you respect who can.) But try to make any suggestion a positive, a “going to” rather than a “running from”. Do something because you want to do it, not because you don’t want the alternative.

And have a look at “40 alternatives to going to College” by James Altucher. It may help you to formulate your thoughts better, and help you build your argument.

The fact that you have accessed this forum, and asked for help and advice shows there you have a raging spark inside you, just waiting for the right opportunity. Use that spark wisely, and you will have a very bright future indeed.

Good luck!