Hi pongo,

Reading your story and taking into account some esoteric (astrological to be honest) concepts (as to my level of knowledge) you seem to be in an vicious circle of ‘moving on from bullying and stagnation’ to ‘breaking the rules’ to ‘enforced back into stagnation by brutal force’.
Did you run upon this website called tiny BUDDHA by accident or the title attracted you somehow?
I know it sounds counterintuitive given that you constantly feel lonely, but, have you ever had any thoughts on spending some time of seclusion, for example in Indian ashram or anything like vipassana meditation?
If you don’t find meaning in our short and terminal existence for yourself, at least now you owe your wellbeing it to your daughter.
I’m curious of your thoughts