Dear Broken Man:

I thought I read in your post that almost immediately, upon meeting Her, she displayed overt aggression against you, from the very beginning- and so, you were not “institutionalized” yet by her. Not having been institutionalized yet, why did you not turn away from her aggression? The turning away, running away from aggression, is a natural instinct. There has to be an explanation as why you haven’t run away from her AT THE BEGINNING of the relationship with her.

You mentioned control before, regarding Her (I don’t want to write “wife” as She gives the word such a bad connotation), that she was and is all about control, doesn’t matter the issue, having her own way is her only focus.

I suppose, since She controlled you for so long, she doesn’t need to exert the same energy to control you. You are already controlled. So all she has to do, as she has recently, is say something like;” I don’t want to start an argument” and you make sure you don’t. Before- she went all the way out with an argument, escalating it. Her complete dominance established and in practice for decades, not need to go all out.

You mentioned your mother was slightly domineering, not particularly. Maybe she didn’t have to be, maybe your father and you were “behaving” just like she wanted you to behave. The institutionalizing phase, if that occurred, it occurred so long ago, your brain was too young to notice…?

anita