Dear aaishah,

You wrote: ” i fear if I cut ties with him my kids will grow with a void and they will blame me” and you asked: “… Has anyone else had to make a decision like this?”

I never had children so I was not in your situation and didn’t have to make such a decision. On the other hand, my mother who divorced my father when I was five or six told me over the years that she kept contact with him so that he will visit me and so I will have a father and will not grow up “with a void” as you wrote.

He did visit through the years but I grew up with a big void nonetheless because my relationship with him was not meaningful. I was a hurt, scared, lonely child because of a very bad relationship with my mother and my father didn’t attend to me.

I would say: if the father of your two children is abusive to you in front of your children and/ or is abusive to them, then the void-of-abuse is a good thing. Do prevent your children from witnessing and experiencing abuse.

If they blame you in the future, because they will not know the reason you prevented them from seeing their father (protecting them from abuse), explain it to them then- or before. But protecting them is your number one responsibility.

anita