Dear arguseyed:

I went back to our past correspondence so I can better reply to your current thread.

For a person very anxious about making mistakes, I can see why having a job that is ” highly error prone” would be very uncomfortable for you. Following logic, a job that is way less error-prone would be more fitting to you.

The anxiety about making mistakes, making choices, is making your life very difficult and has been making your life difficult for a long, long time.

The origin of this anxiety, from your previous thread is in your childhood. Quoting your words:

“the notion that I wasn’t smart enough, didn’t work hard enough and when I did make decisions (small minor ones) there was disapproval… I think it was the disapproval on my mom’s face.” Ongoing disapproval as a child is still hurting you.

And, unfortunately, there was more than mere disapproval: there was a vacuum of sorts. You wrote:

“Even now when I want to go out she says don’t without any apparent reason. Maybe, she wants me to help her in the house, but then she never says anything about that…”

As a child you had no choice but to guess as to what was happening, or why and what it is that you are supposed to do. There was no clear guidance, no clearly communicated expectations. So you didn’t know what to do. You were understandably confused and lost.

And you learned that no guidance was coming to you: “I would not go to her or would think a lot before going to her with my problems unless it was being physically ill. I still don’t go to my parents for any problems because I know they will never understand and they cannot give a relevant solution…” There was no guidance, no help and still, at 34, there is none, not from your parents, not from others.

You wrote about your childhood: “All my needs were taken care of – food, shelter and education. But, emotionally I was never appreciated and my negatives were magnified” You needed emotional caring, attention, guidance and you did not receive it- that is the vacuum you grew up in and the vacuum/ void/ lack you still suffer from. Do you agree with my assessment so far?

Will write more once I get your answer and any further thoughts you may want to share.

anita