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Anita: The herd metaphor is… well, not just a metaphor. It makes sense that as a social animal, evolutionarily dependent more on our societies then our own physical selves for survival, the need for a safe and secure place in society would be hard wired into us. So the tendency to look inward and judge our selves against what we see when we look outward is very natural. That is what makes emotional abuse so damaging. Once someone is convinced of their own defectiveness, the survival instinct to measure up to the herd becomes a insurmountable task. Even though I now realize my dream of my cabin off the grid is driven by an underlying urge to escape the society that I feel the need to measure up to, I do still hope to have it someday. If I do, perhaps I will try to write such a book. That said, I don’t think I could spend all of my time there. It seems we humans are caught in a catch 22. We crave companionship, friendship, love, and connectedness, but that same craving makes us judge ourselves (as well as those around us) as worthy and unworthy (to one degree or another). We all want unconditional love, yet most love (as well as like) comes with conditions. To some extent I suppose it is those conditions, rules that we all are expected to obey, that define and make possible the same societies we are genetically programed to want to be a part of.
@cherryblossom
Secret identities can be a wonderful thing, especially on forums such as this one. I find mine allow me to discuss topics and air thoughts that the people I deal with on a daily basis would probably find rather strange. In our everyday lives we often have to conform to that herd standard of behavior for the sake of earning our daily bread.
I know what you are talking about when you say you were surrounded by enemies. A few years back I took a transfer into what I thought would be a dream job and it turned out to be a nightmare job. The knives started flying toward my back from every direction from the first day on the job. The rules of behavior and standards of that society were very different than the professional environments I had previously worked in. It is disturbing how standards of behavior that can seem abhorrent in one society can so easily become the norm in another. I have never worked in such a toxic and dysfunctional environment and hope I never have to again. I am finally out of that situation, but I am only now starting to realize how much it affected and changed me while I was in it. I suppose that is why I have lately been craving my off the grid cabin a little more then usual. I could really use an off the societal grid rest about now.