I met this woman at the current job i’m at who quit who’s been amazing to me, known her since I started 11 years ago. She’s 37 but looks early 20’s! she quit back at the end of July, and I have went into a deep depression and i’m STILL in it! even though we still text on a regular basis somewhat (last week every day, nothing this week) and have hung out a few times but we were never close at all at the job and have been muuuuuuch closer since she quit. I made a thread about her in the tough times section. Anyway a good buddy of mine was quitting to move back to be with his little kid and I never got an invite to his going away party from the person planning it (he could not make it though, was taking ferry that night), so I got really triggered! like I was bawling like a baby going home hiding my eyes with my glasses so nobody sees me cry. Could not take my life anymore so I decided to walk to this mountain I hike up with a knife in my backpack and take my life…decided for some reason to post it on facebook that I was pondering taking my life and my work all then knew what I was going to do, but the woman wanted my phone number to text or call and meet up for a coffee as her ex of 17 years was like this aswell. So we started texting…a lot! like 2 times a day, then 1, then 1 every 3 days, then once a week and now it’s just random.

We went for a few coffees to talk, one was almost 4 hours long! the other was 1 hour almost because she was driving me to the doctors to tell him about this and get some anti depressants, which after I asked her if we could take a walk, so we walked along the water and sat on a rock. She took my picture, she liked the moment apparently and even posted that is was a good day on her facebook (she never posts personal updates). I felt amazing that day! because I got to spend all that time with her! Anyway I got my anti depressants the next day but started overdosing on them throughout the week! She text if I was going to go alone or if she was going, so I asked if she wanted to come and she told me she would be honored…the day I was going to the doctors? she text me if we were going to meet anywhere, told her just the doctors..i was not feeling the greatest, so we met up at the doctors and I told her and him that I took all the pills in those 6 days, the doctor looked at me concerned asking if it was to take my life…I was like nope, just wanted to make them work faster (lol that was not the reason and I only took 15, not 30 I lied to them both) and if I wanted to die I would have tried to take them all in 1 shot. He took my blood pressure and it was 199/99 and he had to call an ambulance to pick me up, she came to the hospital with me for a little…it was her 37th birthday the next day and she had a dinner waiting for her a few hrs later, I was there for 5 hours!

A few days later I text her the truth! that it was only 15, was looking to get another 30 so I could overdose and hopefully die. Felt bad and was planning on taking time away from her for a long while so I could get better. Never happened, she came into my work a few times that week to say hey to everyone and shop, still text me aswell so it looked like my plan was not going to happen, so I just keep messaging her still. Told the doc the truth aswell when I saw him the week after and gave me a new subscription…but I lied again! plan is now to get up atleast 4 months worth of pills and hopefully die off that! So I need 3 more bottles aka 3 more months of pills to wait. She keeps asking about me seeing someone to talk to and I keep saying I am planning to but I’m not going to be doing it, i’ll just collect the pills and tell everyone i’m fine if they ask which they don’t.