Dear Jess,

Ok, now I got it 😀

I just broke up with my bf after 6 years of a rollercoaster relationship, and it’s the first time I have to face being alone after about 10 years. Plus I had a very lonesome childhood and my first boyfriend died when i was 17. So I can really relate to your attachment issues and your fear of losing either of them.

But since the breakup I also learned a lot about healthy boundaries, and about making healthy decisions for myself.

I wonder whether you hid your rekindled relationship only because you didn’t want to hurt the guys feelings (which I get now, as you broke up with him although he was there for you when you got abandoned…?), or also because you couldn’t really justify getting back together with someone who has abandoned you… Did that ever get resolved, and can you be sure of that relationship now? Is there enough trust? I wonder whether you are neglecting your own truth somewhere in here.
Why does your (ex)-bf believe someone else more than you?

I think you should figure out what is actually good for you, what you want, and then stand up for it… you have the right to have your own preferences and choices, and no honest friend will leave you for that.

Btw do you know about CoDA? (Codependents Anonymous?)