Update #1
After working on our relationship by spending time together there have been some shifts and changes. Letting go, staying in the moment and being kind and compassionate helped me a lot. She has decided to stop kissing him. She told him she was not going to kiss him anymore because I didn’t like it. She still wants to kiss him but has stopped because of me not because she has lost the desire to do it. She still loves him, has sexual desires and thoughts but isn’t acting on them. This all happened the week before they went on an overnight camping trip. She denies breaking her promises so I have to just trust her. I wonder if she compromised on the kissing to be able to maintain contact with him. She clarified her definition of an open relationship for her is to be able to kiss who she wants including him but I suspect it would also to be able to have sex but she knows it could break him and his wife up and be a serious challenge to our relationship. She has repeatedly told me I am free to have sex with who ever I want as long as I am emotional present with her. She wants me to be free so she can be free I guess but I am not really wanting that freedom. She also said I should find some one else as she thinks I judge her too much and don’t accept her way of being. She agreed that if she really wanted to start a real open relationship she would request it so it is a bit like waiting for that to happen.

So we are in a weird set of compromises -no kissing/sex but she still texts/talks/sees him. I also now have the freedom to “cheat” if I want to and I have mixed feelings. It would be great to have guilt free sex with who ever I want when I want as I have a high sex drive but the Buddha felt adultery was destructive to relationships and causes suffering. I wonder if I am getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere it would lead to emotional intimacy and break up our relationship or enhance it.
Should I begin an open relationship and see what happens or just what for her to ask more directly if she does (we may heal to the point they just can be friends with strong feelings) or stick with our compromise
Any thoughts welcome

• This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Sunday.