JJC,

I understand that 35 years is an extremely long period of time to undergo such abuse and I know how difficult it is to get out – especially as your mental state is probably very disoriented as a result of the abuse you have endured. And even though I have never been in an emotionally abusive relationship as long as you have, I can imagine the extreme difficulty you are experiencing emotionally. But you must not give up.

At least start by creating an escape plan. Are you dependent on your partner in any way? Do you have dependent children with your partner? Is there anywhere and anyone you can go to? Put all your important and necessary belongings together in one place so that if you need to escape, you can easily take what you need and leave (including any pets and their documents). Is there anything that may threaten your safety (either before or after you leave)?

Creating an escape plan is the first step. Getting out is the second. Overcoming the emotional trauma is in my opinion the third and most painful step and the healing process can take a really long time. But it is all possible and once you’ve reached the other side of the healing process, you will have your life back again. You can be happy and do whatever you want with your life without someone constantly watching over you. And you will be able to set new boundaries from this education so that it never happens to you again. Please, at least take the first step by creating an escape plan.

One of the posters on this thread, MamaD, recommended a book by Lundy Bancroft called “Why does he do that? Inside the minds of Angry and Controlling Men”. I read the book and it has helped me so much and I would also recommend you read it.