James –

I would be very cautious here. While I’m certain that everyone is responding with the very best intentions in an effort to help you and your family find peace, you are definitely getting a broad spectrum of direction here.

I agree with Anita that this is a great opportunity to invite a renewed sense of openness and honesty into your relationship. Rekindling healthy dialog can be the basis of rekindling a relationship.

While some of the advice here is solid, I will say this: your relationship is not dead.

There are several hopeful signs that your wife does care:
– She admits that you are now everything she wants in a husband
– She has cried in front of you
– She has said she was surprised by your positive efforts, fighting for you both

If your wife had been expressing apathy and indifference, then I would be worried. Believe me, if I thought you should end this I would tell you to do so. I have suggested this to other people in other threads. But in your case, I too have a saying, “It’s always the darkest before the dawn.”

Also, your two girls are more than “complicating factors.” They are your girls. You owe it to them to give this everything – and you are! I know, there have been—and will continue to be—major peaks and major valleys. And it can be pure, frustrating hell. I’m there, too. My suggestion is to follow Anita’s advice and be as open and honest with your wife as possible. Also, follow your counselor’s guidance. Don’t try to “find happiness” all at once. Maybe someday. But take it day by day – and set an earlier goal of simply finding peace. And lowering the tension and frustration level in your home will help everyone – including your girls. Big time.

Lastly, if you belong to a church, you may want to consult your pastor. This is entirely up to you. But as I too am experiencing a similar crisis with my wife, I cannot imagine how we would be getting through this time without the support of our church family and our faith. In fact, my pastor has connected me with an elderly gentleman (not a pastor) in our church who is now my trusted mentor. I’m not preaching here – I’m simply sharing as it is far more than “catering to dogma.”

Be strong. Wishing you peace today.

Ninja