Dear Shirley:

I want to attend to the title of your thread first and then answer your question.

The title of your thread is Gender Dysphoria. I looked at Wikipedia and it reads there: “Gender dysphoria… is the dysphoria (distress) a person experiences as a result of the sex and gender they were assigned at birth.” It also reads: “Symptoms… may include any of the following: disgust at their own genitalia, social isolation from their peers, anxiety..”

The following is true for me as I look at my history: I was unhappy with my body as far back as I can remember and in particular I was unhappy with the visible female parts. Basically, I wish I didn’t have those. I wished I was like those dolls I played with- no such parts. I didn’t wish to have male parts; I just wished I had no sex parts. During and after puberty, my unhappiness, disgust and shame over having female sex parts got more intense. I did experience a lot of anxiety over this and I stayed away from female peers, not wanting to hear about their female issues, didn’t feel part of it. I rejected my own female parts as well as other females.

I wasn’t born with those feelings. I was shamed. It was drilled into me that sexual activity (in any circumstance) is disgusting, and women acting sexual are very shameful. I carried on this shame with me throughout my life, suffering for it for many, many years. I covered myself best I could, wearing loose fitting clothes (they also felt more comfortable, especially in the heat and humidity), and I was in no way a “girly girl.” I am still not an (older) girly girl. I still wear loose clothing but I am in my over five years of healing from shame, including bodily shame, starting with my first competent psychotherapy in 2011.

Healing for you is possible too. If you are feeling distress about your body, any part of it or all of it, it is very possible to heal from it, and the earlier, the better. It is not required to change to an extreme; it may not be desirable or even possible. But it is possible to reduce your suffering by a whole lot and it is possible to come to peace with your body, being female and being post puberty.

As to your question: ” how you got over the view of women as being weaker and thinking in biologically terms between them?” – my desire to be a man- like was not for sexual purposes- it was for the purpose of being emotionally strong, as social convention promotes that men are stronger. I wanted to be emotionally strong, that is successfully assertive, having control over my life, being active, not passive, being the leader in my own life, not being submissive to my mother, not being her punching bag and at her mercy.

What I learned in the last few years is that being a man does not at all mean being emotionally strong- it simply is not the case. Men and women are equal in this area. Men are expected to be strong and they pay the price for it by (statistically) dying younger. Learning this, took away from my desire to be like a man. I am learning that I can be strong as I am. Building my own emotional strength is key.

At this point, being a woman vs being a man does not mean much to me. I view myself as a person. Just a person- eggs or sperm production is irrelevant to me since I have never taken advantage of those eggs- did not become a mother and would not plan to be one even if I wasn’t too old for that.

Did I answer your question? Please let me know your thoughts and feelings about any part of what I wrote here, if you have more questions for me regarding what I wrote here, or regarding your particular experiences, please ask. I would like to help you any way I can regarding this issue.

anita