Dear Shirley:

Regarding the apple tree analogy, here is what is wrong with it: you don’t have to wait for a man to pick you. This is part of the (emotional) strength I wrote about- you don’t wait to be picked; you pick! Waiting to be picked is passive and that is weak; picking is active and that is strength.

And since you will pick, and not wait to be picked, there is no reason to dress girly-like or provocatively or to flirt. You will be doing the picking!

Your last post made me realize that I too didn’t want to be like my mother, so I didn’t want to be her gender as well. That makes sense.

Back to picking- you pick the values you believe in and leave your mothers and aunt’s values (or lack of) on the tree. Then you walk away from the tree. Your family of origin can have less and less of a place in your life. You can choose, one day, to no longer be there to hear what triggers your inner bully.

You can be free to be and become more and more who you are (a person I like, value and respect!)

anita