Dear throiath:

it is a good thing you are moving out this weekend.

Obviously you didn’t feel wanted or special as a child. I know this because you told Shannon that you “felt wanted and special” for the first time in your life, with her. As a child you must have (as children do) reached out to your parents but you were rejected, again and again, ignored and neglected.

Shannon reads to me like a decent person, from your sharing. You rejected her, initiated a break. After three months she asked you if the break is a break up and you said, yes, it is. So she went on with her life, as she should have. Then you changed your mind… I am supposing she realized along the way that you are troubled and that she can’t depend on your love for her.

If I was you, I wouldn’t demonize her or fight with her. If you can handle it, keep the contact you now have with her. If you can’t handle it, end the contact. In any case, I wouldn’t tell her again how much you love her etc. Instead, if I was you, I would focus on my healing. Maybe you can see your therapist more often and/ or supplement those therapy sessions with attending group therapy or support groups. When you achieve a lot of progress in your healing, process those painful emotions of the child that you were, that you still are, inside, then you may, or not, approach her again, suggesting a relationship.

Please do post anytime.

anita