Audrey,
You are me.
It has taken many relationships and a lot of hurt for me to begin to come out on the other side of understanding of all this.
Here’s what I’ve learned, and what it sounds like to me. Try on these things, maybe they will help you:

> You might be trying to heal your old wounds from your dad with your boyfriend. Your wounded inner child is fighting with the adult you in the scenarios where your boyfriend doesn’t show up. You keep waiting for this man to save you, and what you need to learn is how to save yourself. Because no matter how many times he says he’ll change, work on it, or whatever…growing into what you need is clearly not your boyfriend’s priority. And I don’t think it should be. He’s here in your life to show you what to heal within yourself.

> The source of hurt is not only the abandonment, but the projection of your past onto the present. You need him to show up because your dad didn’t. So your needs are completely based on something that happened to you as a child. That is the wound you need to heal, not him. You’re not able to love someone freely when you’re trying to get them to fill that void.

> The word for what you keep referring to in your boyfriend is called “integrity.” Your boyfriend lacks integrity. This is a HUGE thing…but if someone does not do what they say they’re going to do, when they say they’re going to do it, then that’s a problem. Especially when it is a consistent problem. Many, many many people would have problems being in a relationship with someone that is unreliable.

> Which brings me to my next point…is for you to ask yourself why you’re willing to be with someone that consistently lets you down? What part of yourself believes that this is what you deserve?

It’s because you’re trying to get the love you never had as a child. And you’re trying to get it from the wrong person…someone who is not capable of giving it to you, because your sense of worthiness has been formed from this idea that you got when you were a child, and your dad didn’t show up. Somewhere, you have this underlying belief about your situation that you aren’t worth showing up for. And that belief will continue to hold people who won’t show up in your life.

So, maybe instead of trying to rewire yourself so you can keep him, maybe you should be looking at all the reasons why you deserve better.

Good luck.