Dear AH:

The plan is, that in a couple of months you will be living abroad, in a new country, with him. This plan may be exacerbating your anxiety. In a couple of months there will be great changes in your life and you will need safety in the relationship with him so to ride the distresses of these near-future changes.

The plan to live with him abroad soon, and in the more distant future, to get married and have children, is incongruent with having these plans with an unreliable man. Not only can you not rely on him to help you in case of an emergency for you, but when your future children need help, you can’t rely on their father to help them.

Reads to me, that, having these plans, make it impossible to ignore or “live with” his behavior, whatever its causes. If you stayed where you are (no plans to move with him or to get married and have children), maybe, just maybe, you could live with his behavior, expecting it and no longer being surprised by it. But with your plans, his behavior is just too significant to be tolerated.

anita