Dear AH:

It is clear to me that you love him very much and that he has lots of positive traits. I think your plan to not get married and have children with him unless you can depend on him is a good plan. The move abroad will be an experiment of sorts, and if the move itself adds to your anxiety, consider that part of your anxiety may be just, the move and the living together, these two changes.

If it is #3, as you described it to me in your post before last, then how about if the aim is no longer to try to get him to text you back and answer his phone, what if he carries a beeper, I think it is called, a thing that beeps only (no texting or phone calls), and only you can do that beeping when he is 10 minutes late for an appointment with you, and/or there is a real emergency? This way he can keep his habit of not paying attention to his phone but will be paying attention to this other instrument and attend to it. (May be worth trying).

anita