Dear Mike:

You wrote in your original post that you concluded that you want to forgive her for her affair but you’ve been suffering a whole lot of the time, every day, in the last year, thinking of her affair.

You want to stop suffering, understandably. There are a few things that need to be taken care of so to make it possible for you to reduce or eliminate this suffering:

1. Do you trust her now? If you haven’t trusted her this last year, and still, then the suffering has a point, so to speak, it is telling you: this will happen again. Whether or not she is trustworthy, I don’t know. Whether or not you should trust her or not, I don’t know. But if part of you does not trust her, it may still be keeping the suffering going, as an alarm for the next time.

2. Is this relationship good for you- do you really want to keep it going?

Will be back to the computer hours from now.

anita