Dear James:

You shared before that your wife was depressed following the birth of your second child, if I remember correctly. You wrote that you were not supportive of her during the time that she was depressed.

She is not supportive of your depression now, is she?

Both you and her treat your sadness, down feelings, depression as if it was your faulty character, a bad habit on your part. When you feel down, it is “proven her correct!” and it proves you incorrect, or wrong.

To exit this vicious cycle, the two of you need to stop viewing your feelings, specifically your down/ depression feelings as a character flaw. As long as you do, you are stuck in that cycle.

I agree with your last line: “It is just so hard to stay positive all the time”- and I would take it farther and state: it is impossible to stay positive all the time.

(And the circumstances of your life, living in the basement, waiting for your wife to love you again- these are depressing circumstances).

anita