Dear kaynah:

It would be wonderful if we could decide to not be emotionally stirred by this or that. If only it was that easy: I choose to not care. Ha! What a freedom-of-choice.

Only we can’t choose our emotions, not this easily anyway. You feel what you feel when he says to you that he loves you and wants to marry you while he is seeing another woman. You are stirred, experiencing an emotional impact. What does this impact mean?

Does it mean you should abandon your logic (the logic that says: if he loves me why is he with another woman?)? No. What your emotional impact means, I believe, is that you wish he loved you; you wish he was not with another woman; you wish he was honest and loyal and that you could have a happy family with him and your child. You wish and feel strongly about it.

Combine logic and emotion, and you get this message: I want a loving family with a man who will be a good husband and a good father to my child. Unfortunately it cannot be this man, the biological father of my child. It will need to be another man, one who is honest, loving and loyal. How do I find such a man?

anita