Dear Poppy:

Yes, walking away from your mother instead of engaging with her is to your benefit. Engaging with her keeps you stuck and is not helpful to her, other than her temporary release of her tension (a Lose-Lose proposition, long term).

She brought the problem to you, you wrote- you mean about what your father said that upset her, correct? – if so, yes, she brought the problem to you but not because she sees you as a source of help, not because she wants your help but because she needs an audience to her crying. From personal experience, crying in front of someone empathetic is way, way more satisfying than crying alone.

You asked if you are doing something wrong in your interactions with your mother- not ethically wrong, only damaging to your mental health, keeping you stuck.

How does it make you feel, by the way, to not be valued by her as a source of help; being needed as empathetic audience (which I believe is the case)?

anita