Dear Maria:

I think it is the wrong aim, to aim at accepting abuse calmly. Wrong value, wrong practice. It is natural to feel angry when abused, when attacked (verbally, in your case)- and it is natural for a reason. In nature, when attacked, the animal, feels angry so to be motivated to defend itself. In nature is unhealthy, dangerous for an animal to be attacked. Same is true for us humans.

Don’t try to eliminate your anger; instead aim to eliminate the attacks, the abuse. Assert yourself with your sister. Let her know you will not accept her abuse of you.

Better to not be in the situation with her where that happens, but for as long as you live with her- separate yourself from her best you can; do not engage with her; do not give her the opportunities to criticize you; do not make yourself available to her. And then, assert yourself with her.

Don’t try to reach out to her, as in: “please, please… will you be nice to me?” No, assert as in: “Don’t talk to me. We live in the same home, for now, but I don’t want to talk with you more than is absolutely necessary. I am not interested in your opinions about me, your criticism- keep those things to yourself.”

Something like that.

anita